Bad Beer is NOT Like Bad Sex

Beer is like sex. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. GTFO! Have you ever had bad sex consistently? You’d rather jerk off. Let’s set the record straight. Bad beer is awful, and bad sex is awful…and you should really try to avoid either as much as possible. To further clarify, I’m not talking about beer that is past it’s best by date. Storage temperature, age, and exposure to light are all things that make a good beer go bad. And they’re breaking their mother’s hearts, too.

bad sex


I’m talking about beer that was bad the moment the head brewer at your mediocre local brewery purchased the grain. A cruel twist of fate and the delicious beer in potentia is destined to become inferior swill at the hands of someone who bought a few Mr. Beer kits and thought it would be a good idea to make their cat piss for the masses to choke on. With thousands of craft breweries already producing and hundreds opening their taproom doors each year, it’s only natural that some beers out there are less than palatable. Coors Light has been around since 1978, after all.

I’m not going to pick on the brewer and his lack of skill too much though. He doesn’t get a free pass, but neither do you. That’s right, you. The blame is squarely placed on your fragile bird shoulders. You choke down your disgusting asparagus scented suds and don’t make a peep. I get it though. I really do. You don’t want to offend anyone. Be nice, your Gamgam always said. Or worse yet, you don’t even have an opinion on the beer your drinking. Maybe you think it’s “okay”. Is that what you want out of your life and your beer though? Is “okay” good enough for you?

bad beer

It’s perfectly okay to call out the sub-par and mediocre. Constructive criticism is always welcome. The craft beer scene is full of enthusiast that are, by and large, some of the nicest folks you could ever hope to meet. True you have the occasional ale hole, but all groups inevitably do. The fact of the matter is that with the thousands of breweries open in the US now, not every one of them is going to have stellar quality. Quite frankly, some breweries should never have existed.

What can be done about bad beer though? Tastes are of course many and varied. Some people love mouth puckering, palate destroying triple IPAs, while others enjoys smokey, chocolatey, barrel aged imperial stouts. If you know you don’t like a particular style of beer, leave the criticism to those that do. It will come from a place of experience and familiarity. I know it will be difficult to keep your opinions about something you know nothing about to yourself. You and my ex mother-in-law would get along great. However, if you truly enjoy bocks, and come across one that is less than flavorful, give your honest, thoughtful critics. No decent brewer will ever begrudge your feedback. Just remember kids, try not to be a dick. Words to live by.

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